Who do you look like?

So, I’m not really sure who in my family I look like, except for my brother; we look very much alike, but not sure which parent we favor. Maybe we’re a good mix, except that my brother, as he’s uh-hmm, aging, is becoming my dad before our very eyes. So maybe I look like my dad?

Honestly, I think I favor my maternal grandmother, which is A-OK by me. She was short, small-boned, lots of freckles, all words I’d use to describe myself. She also had this outgoing, firecracker personality, also words I’d use to describe myself and maybe others would, too. She was one of my all-time favorite people in the world, so being like her in so many ways has been a gift.

Over the past year, I’ve undergone some pretty big changes in my appearance. I’d love to tell you that these changes haven’t bothered me in the least, but that would be a stretch. First of all, thank you, good-for-nothing-pancreas, I’ve lost the equivalent of a small first grader in weight. I’ve gone from spending most of my adult life wishing I could lose 15-20 lbs. to wishing I could gain 10 lbs. I get all the comments – everything from,

“Wow! You look great! What are you doing?”

to

“I think you’re skinnier than you were in high school!”

to

“You look like you’re IN high school!”

All of which are meant to be compliments, of course, but make me cringe, all the same. Then, as my hair is growing back after chemo, it’s salt-and-pepper, at best, and curly. No, like super curly! Now, I’m the woman who, sorry to be so vain, has always said I would dye my hair all the way into the grave. But now, in an effort for it to be healthy as it’s coming back, I’m not dyeing it. And, I get all the comments, everything from,

“I love your hair!”

to

“I never realized your hair was so curly!”

to

“Your hair is so fun!”

To be honest, I feel kind of insecure about my appearance. Sometimes, I pass a mirror or a window and see my reflection and I do a double take, thinking,

“Who is that? Oh, gosh, that’s right; it’s me. Just keep walking.”

Now, I have never been the kind of person that I would say is obsessed with how I look, but just like most of us, I want to look my best. Maybe all these changes are obvious reminders of what I’ve been through this past year, I don’t know, but I’d love to see glimpses of the old me when I look in the mirror, you know? The me I’m used to, the me everyone else is used to. What can I say, it’s a struggle.

Then, one day a couple of weeks ago, I was lamenting this very thing, I thought only to myself, but Someone else was listening in, too. As I was whining about not looking like myself, Jesus jumped in and said,

“OK, let’s talk about this. Number one, you’re alive; that’s all I’m gonna say about Number 1. Number 2, you are beautiful and guess how I know? Because I made you, perfectly, exquisitely, specially you. And in case you’ve forgotten, I don’t make mistakes.” (I have to admit, at this point I am rolling my eyes – in my mind of course, just like my own kid does.)

“And Number 3, shouldn’t you be more worried about looking like Me?”

“Yeah, how are you at loving people – all the people, all the time? And, then there’s being patient, even when the conversation is about one of your “buttons?” How about joy, self-control? I can go on, you know.”

Um, He had my attention. He continued,

“Here’s the deal, Beloved: I know this last year has been hard for you and yes, changes in your appearance can be disheartening, but the truth is, the people who love you are gonna love you skinny, less skinny, dark hair, gray hair, straight hair, curly hair, lots of hair, no hair. They love you because they love the REAL you and you should honestly love yourself in the same way.”

“But the truth is, as beautiful as you are, your outward appearance won’t change many lives for the kingdom; but when you begin to look more like Me, everything in the kingdom changes for the better and more people are added. How about concentrating on that?”

Um, wow. He had me. Why in the world have I been spending so much time fretting over my weight and my hair, when there is a world of people out there who need to know Jesus?

As it turns out, the Apostle Paul had a lot to say about looking like Jesus. Check a few of these verses out:

Romans 12:2 Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

1 Corinthians 11:1 Be imitators of me, just as I also am of Christ

Ephesians 4:22-24 Throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God – truly righteous and holy.

So, I don’t know about you, but it’s a lot easier for me to just keep worrying and whining about carnal things, like my appearance, than to dig deep and work hard on eternal things, like becoming more Christ-like. Why? Maybe because the carnal things keep the control on my side of the court, while committing to things that are eternal forces me to give control to God. That’s the really hard part!

But, with God’s help, I can and will be mindful of eternity, and maybe, just maybe I’ll warm up to Sherra 2.0. One can only hope.